live in north east usa

i hate myself because of my skin color, thoughts, and how i never really tell the truth, and personality. (too some degree) i even hate that i hate myself, because im just feeling sorry for myself. i sometimes i wondeer if jumping off a bbridge is my only option. because i can't keep living like this, i njust want friends to talk to, but i can't even muster up each coruge to go to local hangout spots to talk with otherss, but then i think about how horrifying death in itsself would be, and how there wont be anything left of my conscienceness to to know if there iwas even relief felt afterwards, so i just keep sitting here again. doing nothing useful, i even hurt myself sometimes because i know im feeling sorry for myself agaain, its why im typing this. but im not even this hard on myself as it seems, i just want permanet people i can talk to, but i dont even want to put in the effort. but i dont know what else to do. its put me in a deeper porn addiction than i had before. i dont even want to talk about that. b c fcg vhhjvhjghcgfcgfhcgfhhvhnhh v vcgfb n n m bnb vn bn bn b bn