Rant: Shit ass mentality

Hey gang.

I am not formally diagnosed but pretty damn close to having BED. No purging because unfortunately I’m too much of a pussy to get myself to purge. Anywho, besides the point.

I’ve recently been really struggling with this scenario:

Evening-ish time I’m like “it’s dinner time”. Nothing sounds good. I’m a tad hungry but only barely. I’m like “I could just not eat” and I know food will make me feel too full and sick and disappointed. Then I’m like “skipping food would be so unhealthy and restrictive ”. Then my fat ass will go get like an entire McDonald’s meal. Did that exact thing tonight. Was so ashamed I ate it it in a parking lot in my car vs going home where my roommate is.

I just don’t know how to get over this stupid mentality of “oh my god if I don’t binge then I’m restricting”.

Laying in bed feeling sickly full and so mad at myself