Im tired of being in the questioning cycle

I’ve been questioning my gender for over a year and I don’t know what to make of it. I’m not expecting anyone here to tell me if I’m trans or not. I just want to know if anyone has gone through something similar. For some background, I socially transitioned when I was around 11–13. Around 14, when high school was about to start, I wanted to stop. Part of it was that changing back felt really hard, and part of it was because I had a crush on a boy and thought I’d only have a chance with him if I was seen as a girl (I never actually talked to him). So I just stayed living as female through high school. Around May 2025, I started getting recurring thoughts and mental images of myself as male. At first I tried really hard to ignore them, but they kept coming back. I even tried cannabis edibles because I thought maybe they’d give me some kind of clarity, but they didn’t. The weird thing is that these thoughts usually aren’t intentional. I’ll just randomly picture myself as a guy, and it actually feels comforting. Then I end up spending hours picking it apart and wondering what it means. I’ve also had the same daydream for a long time. In it, I’m a trans guy who’s tall, muscular, goes to the gym, plays basketball, has a girlfriend, and has friends who know I’m trans and accept me. The daydream also includes a guy I used to like and someone who bullied me. I honestly feel sad that I never got to experience being a teenage boy, and I think part of that is because even when I socially transitioned, I never really felt like other people saw me as male. Sometimes I’ll also randomly imagine myself as a guy while doing completely normal things, like washing my face or doing skincare. Body-wise, I used to have a much bigger chest, and I hated it. It’s a lot smaller now, but I still wish it looked like a male chest instead of just a small female one. It’s not just about size. It’s about wanting male physical characteristics. Something I’ve realized is that even if I could have everything I want in life as a woman, like confidence, a good career, financial stability, and independence, it still feels like something would be missing. It feels like I want to actually be seen as male and have a male body, not just have masculine traits. The part that’s driving me crazy is the constant questioning. If I think, “Maybe I’m trans,” my brain calms down for a while. If I think, “No, I’m probably not,” I feel relieved because I don’t have to deal with everything that would come with being trans. But then the questioning starts all over again. Has anyone else gone through something like this? What helped you figure out what was actually going on?