WIBTD if I asked my cousin to remove a line from a eulogy
So long story short, my nan (72 year old woman) just died- my sister (22 woman) and I (27 trans man) weren’t close with her, she actually treated us very poorly compared to our cousins. Some examples of this was: fat shaming my sister when she was like 6 years old, not coming to our birthday party if it was the same night as trivia night at her local club, not giving my sisters boyfriend a Christmas gift (she had been giving him one for a few years then just randomly stopped, my partner always got one even before we married) one year we called her up for her birthday and she was having dinner at her place with our cousins (all younger than us) and their parents to celebrate, we weren’t invited even though we only lived 20 minutes away.
Anyway, my cousin (19 woman) is preparing a eulogy on behalf of all the grandkids (there are 6 of us) this cousin was the favourite grandkid- no that’s not an exaggeration, Nan even said so herself and would give this cousin more Christmas money than the rest of us.
This cousin knows that me and my sister had this relationship with our Nan and feels really sad about it.
My cousin wanted to include everyone in the eulogy so we all sent her some (positive) memories except my sister who actually couldn’t think of any memories to send.
Last night, I was talking to my cousin when she sent me what was in the eulogy far. It seemed really sweet and incorporated everyone’s memories but there was one line that bothered me “she loved loudly, it was impossible to not feel loved by her” it bothered me because I DIDN’T feel loved by her, neither did my sister- and this cousin knows that we didn’t feel loved. I have a good bond with this cousin, I am neurodivergent and we have an “honesty with love” type of relationship. I worry because I know my sister is very angry at the fact that we were treated so differently and won’t get closure about why now that nan has passed. My sister said she is afraid she might snap at the funeral, I feel like this is tempting fate a little to have an address on behalf of all of us that doesn’t reflect the truth.
I know I would probably be the drama if I asked my cousin to take out that line (particularly the impossible part) and I know a funeral is where everyone only says nice things about the deceased but I just feel a bit weird about it. I would probably just kindly ask my cousin if she could reword it to be more of a reflection on her own experience if I were to say something.
Posted Aug 12, 2026, 3:19 AM UTC