Dear Crowley

 You know I love you more than Twinkies, you know you are the light of my life but there is something you might not know, I am not another schnauzer.

 I can see how this whole confusion started. You came home when you were little and instead of showing you boundaries, I used to let you sleep on my couch, now that you've claimed it, you let me sleep there as well, at least sometimes.

 I also get that us playing on all fours in the garden and then us chasing each other around might give you the impression that I´m a (mostly) hairless big schnauzer.

 Us sharing my bag of snacks might not have helped.

 So here's the harsh truth, I am actually a different species. I am not a dog with off leash privileges.

 I´m not saying this to upset the balance in our relationship, but I would like to wake up with you not using my messy bun as a chew toy.

 Today was the last straw, I came home from the dentist's office high as a kite, I collapsed on the couch and woke up with a dog sitting on my head. I had never been so up close and personal to another being ever and while I appreciate the sentiment of accompanying me, this has crossed a line.

 From now on my naps will be taken behind closed doors, my chips will be evenly divided, no more of you taking most of them and If I ever wake up to you sitting on my head again, I will get you a puppy. I am done being the only adult here, now's your time.

Love,

Majo

Open letter to my schnauzer