Too weird for friends

Ok so I’m 49yo and diagnosed with autism about 10 years ago. I have always been quiet and a little strange I guess to other people. I present mostly normal, have a good high paying job and mostly pretty good executive functioning skills.

The problem I have always had is that people talk to me to get to know me and, despite the fact that I seem fairly ‘normal’ it becomes apparent that I’m different and a bit strange to them. I know that the way I interact with people socially is different to how other people interact. I have tried for years and years to make friends but I just can’t. People expect me to be a certain way and when I’m different I think they find me a bit off-putting.

I have never had a close friend or felt like I’ve genuinely formed a connection with anyone. I live inside my head because I have no friends. Now I’m nearly 50 and quite depressed about all the life experiences I have missed out on.

I’m acutely aware of what my life is going to be like as I age. I am constantly surrounded by people who have friends when I have never had any.

I guess I’m mostly just venting but I’m not sure if I can go on line this. I’ve recently started using drugs to replace the void but I know this is unsustainable.