Of most of the evidence, provider messaging, etc. and \*if\* I feel the state disproved NGRI / disproved psychosis (regardless of the rest of their “theory”), the journal passages and yes - the Dawson FB post when he was 19 months old tells me the LC motive. 

While many were quick to dismiss the FB post as anything but normal motherhood worries, when that is paired with her later journal entries, her fairly clear need for control, perfectionist tendencies, the need for NOW resolutions:

* Was very critical of Dawson being extremely difficult about **everything, attachment issues**
* Lots of words in the journals of feeling overwhelmed and desperate
* More words of an infant she perceived to be “behind” on milestones
* More words of a sick child making every other child sick all winter, increasing her childcare load
* Concerned about returning to work and managing
* Sounding resentful that she was doing everything childcare wise
* Complaints of not sleeping; feeling abusive for letting baby cry “sleep training”
* Stopped breastfeeding for sleep reasons

All of this - even as a very loving mother, no signs of aggression - the manner and order she murdered these child says something too. 

Premeditated, sent Patrick out and then:

* Chose the basement as murder location
* Took the children to the basement
* My personal belief is she had Cora watch Callan, so she could murder her least favorite child first
* Not only murder him first, but do it in his dad’s office, the source of getting her pregnant x 3 and not helping her enough with childcare - there was a rage/anger release here
* Murdered Dawson FACE UP.  Watching her least favorite‘s eyes and face is anger 
* Systematically murdered each child by mechanical asphyxiation via ligature 
* Each murder she could have stopped, but didn’t 
* Next she moved to the other side and murdered Cora, face down - simply to avoid Cora from trying to save or seeing her baby brother murdered next
* Last was Callan, also face down

As for her own attempts/methods: they were real, but hesitant - each one of them

She did not dangle from the sill, dive out or jump. None of the evidence supports any of those. 

***I’m sure this will anger people, and as I said: this is IF I don’t believe her mental illness/defect created a lack of criminal responsibility.*** 

Her motive was threefold: stop her overwhelming feelings by ending the source of her being overwhelmed - her “escape hatch” and also, rid the internal anger, and yes the office was resentment towards Patrick. Then end herself, but with much hesitancy in her methods. 

The Clancy Journal - What Does it Reveal?