cheetos bc i was sad & didn’t want to make anything 

TMI WARNING NOW

my bf (m27) & i (f27) have been dating a little over 2 years. now ive always been on the thicker side. when we met i was about 200, but i carry it “well” i guess. back then i was working part-time & was starting videography. it was easier to go to the gym since back then i had a gym partner & i worked a morning time job. since then ive gone up to 260. when we started dating i went through some changes: ending a ten year friendship (so no more gym partner), going back to school full time, becoming full time at my job (which also meant working nights as late as 3am), and starting a relationship with him which meant going out to eat more.

IVE noticed the weight gain. 60lbs is a lot & my old clothes don’t fit like they used to. i tried to retain my old confidence but it’s a struggle. & on the days i feel good, i have to lowkey work HARD to keep that feeling.

now im an affirmations person. he most definitely is not. but when i bring up that i like to be called pretty, beautiful, etc or that i need reassurance, he does try his best. 

what happened recently was that we were joking around calling each other stinky, stink, etc & somehow that ended up going into a conversation about how sometimes i smell…in that area. i was mortified. shit i’m STILL mortified & truly i feel humiliated. he said it’s something he wanted to bring up but struggled to do so because it’s a tough subject to navigate. & he did clarify that it’s not something that’s apparent when we’re out. he clarified that he \~tasted\~ that my ph was off & has been for a while. 

i might not be explaining this well. honestly i’ve just been crying about this because how do i even explain this to my friends. i feel so embarrassed & while ive been doing my best lately to turn around eating habits & finding my way back to the gym, this just feels like a huge weight on my chest.   
if you’ve read this far, thank you for essentially reading my jumbled thoughts. i hope you have a better dinner than me.

i’ve gained weight & it’s affected my relationship