Don’t feel like living anymore

My separated from and it’s due to my own fault of neglecting therapy and when I tried to get therapy issues with insurance, I can’t stop dreading the past and keep moving only through the delusional of a reconciliation. But every now then I get slammed back to reality. Went through rehab, I talk with the therapist but I still just feel so broken. I would trade everything I have to fix it, but that’s not a real solution and material things don’t fix the heart. Worst part is the silence when I’ve been used to having her as my best friend for years.