Damsel Causing Distress - Episode 7 (12) - Three Doors To The Right
Note: My (mis)adventures are part of a bigger series, but I wrote my tales in the format of an episodic T.V. show, where you can read an episode without the context of the others and still enjoy it. If anything, reading it out of order may be more fun. - A (desperately trying to be) sympathetic Theseus
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My legs woke up before the rest of my body.
“Theseus!” Scout looked at me, gun still in hand. Her voice was still foggy, like she was a hallway away shouting at me. I looked around dazed, we were still in the tunnels. Ludus was to my left, and was grabbing my shoulder. Whether it was for her sake or mine, I wasn’t particularly in a good position to tell.
I looked down, and saw my legs sprinting without my own direction.
“Huh.” I looked around, with an almost supernatural kind of calm. I was so tired and annoyed, but I was forced through circumstance that, while I was able to leave at any moment, was far too petty and stubborn to quit. So I continued when all I wanted to do was just lie down and rot. “What I miss?”
Scout looked at me and cracked a smile, “There you are.” She locked eyes with me before she started, “You fell but only for a second, I caught you, we started to run forward again. You must have been on auto pilot. Then we started getting chased again.” She looked behind us, I saw even more distant flashlights that flapped wildly with the movements of somehow even more kidnappers.
“You think they would’ve run out at this point.” I nodded.
“I know right.” Scout laughed, her breathing stopped being so snappy, and her grip on the gun I stole for her got slightly looser. I turned to Ludus.
“Uh-oh.”
What’s your mile time? I mean really, if you had to run the fastest mile in your life, and if you didn’t, if it wasn’t the absolute fastest mile you have ever, ever run in your life, you would die. Just die. How fast do you think you could run? Probably a question you had the privilege, Hell not even privilege, the right to never know the answer to. Something you don’t need to know, because we all live a civilized society and all that other nonsense.
Ludus does know, she knows that if she doesn’t run as fast and as best as she can she will get kidnapped again, maybe without us by her side. Where she’ll presumably be ransom off, after spending God knows how long in captivity. She knows, with an intimacy I can not begin to describe to a regular person, what it is like, to run for your life, literally.
To a normal person, a taser round and a bullet are just as scary. She had to outrun people, while they were shooting at her. She has run while she hadn't slept for forty hours, while hungry, while thirsty, while scared out of her mind.
Doing all of it, as a pacifist. Still a pacifist, she never once got scared or angry enough at these people, at her kidnappers. She never, ever went back on her principles, while at the same time not being such a zealot in her own beliefs to want Scout or I to stop using great violence to protect her and ourselves.
I have been taught since the moment I could walk how to essentially kill people. Scout is a crazy person, whose Father is an arms dealer, and has since meeting me, learned a great deal of nefarious skills, while also shooting quite a lot of people with taser rounds. For all my wife’s many, and I mean many flaws, I have to give it to her, Scout is willing, and able to throw down at a moment's notice.
Ludus is literally a Princess. This criminal underworld, this game of cops vs. robbers, with kidnappers and private detectives, this is not her world. No normal, or sane person is a part of this world. She is doing so well, the best I have ever seen a quote on quote ‘regular person’ do getting shot at and chased for five days straight at this point. She is doing better than you, yes, you dear reader, she is doing better than you if you were in her place.
And I’m saying all of this, reminding you of the stakes of this situation, and insulting you slightly to make it abundantly clear how well she is doing, in circumstances she should’ve never been a part of in the first place. Because when I looked at her in that moment, I have literally never seen a more pathetic sight in my life, and that’s coming from me.
“No, no, I’m fine.” At least I think that’s what Ludus said, it was just mostly gasps, she was covered in sweat, and somehow shivering slightly. Her hair didn’t just look wet, more like it was washed with just sweat. I have never, not even six year old Theseus running away from bullies, never seen a person so tired, so world weary looking, so beat down by circumstance and crap luck. The poor girl was knackered.
Scout and I looked at each other, and spoke with only our eyebrows.
“Her cardio isn’t as good as ours.” I looked at her then back at Scout, eyebrows so high that they nearly flew off my head.
“If we keep pushing her, she could faint, maybe collapse like you.” Scout wiggled hers before she glanced back at Ludus. “Or worse.” Her eyebrows went still.
I grabbed the map from Scout. “How long do we got?”
“They’re still pretty far, all the armor they’re wearing now, it’s slowing them down, but not by much. Maybe, ten more minutes before they catch up to us.” She looked back at Ludus. “Or less.”
I looked at the map frantically, at all the notes the Plant Lady gave us. Looked for an exit out of the tunnels or anything, anything that could get us out.
“Then we fight?” Ludus gasped but at this point it was more like a sob, but she still said ‘we’.
“We can’t anymore. They must be friends with the squad we got first, they know our plans now, they have radios, it won’t work twice.” Scout read my mind as my eyes continued darting around the map.
There was silence, I didn’t need to look up to picture the look of abject horror on Ludus’ face. She was too tired to talk now. I heard her start to slow.
“There!” I pointed to the map with the same conviction I would if I was pointing at the holy grail. “There’s a door, meant as an exit for workers, it leads outside, the notes say it isn’t blocked off, we go up a lot of stairs, then it’s just in some old building now. We keep going, then it’s three more doors to the right.” I shoved the map in my pocket.
Scout and I nodded to each other. Scout cracked her knuckles, even while I ran, I could feel myself bounce on the balls of my feet. We started to speed up out of instinct before I looked at Ludus. Any other day, it would have just been Scout and I, and we’ve out run so much worse. But Ludus.
She just can’t.
“You can make it.” I grabbed her shoulder, honestly, it was less of a comfort and more to make sure she would stay up.
“I can’t.” She whispered, I could feel her slow.
“No, you can, you can make it. Only three more doors.” I pushed on her shoulder slightly. “One foot in front of the other.”
It was barely even breathing for her, just wheezing now.
“Deep breaths, c’mon.” Scout ran across us, and grabbed her other shoulder. “We can do this, we’re Links. We aren’t gonna get shown up by Theseus.” She smiled.
I could hear Ludus try to slow down her breaths. Scout stopped smiling, and she gripped onto Ludus’ shoulder tighter.
“We were born to explore the stars. We were born to run and explore. That is our birth right.” Scout said, but it wasn’t in Common, it was Link. She couldn’t care less if I understood her.
“That’s one door, two more to go.” I looked to my right.
“You are royalty, you are descended from conquerors, and warrior Queens. Our eyes hold fire, and stardust flows through our blood.” Scout continued, it was becoming less and less of a pep talk, it was a sermon.
“That's door two.” We passed another door. I looked behind us, they were getting closer.
“Our people have faced so much more than this. Your family is so much more than this. You are so much more than just being tired. You are Princess Ludus.” Scout finished, I heard her name in her own language for the first time, though her name was Human, Scout and hers, the way Scout said it, she made it hers, her peoples, made it something more than just her name.
“That’s door three! One more door and we’re home free.” I pointed at the old door.
“I’m sorry.” Ludus whispered, her legs gave out from under her. I grabbed her before she could fall. I picked her up, didn’t have any time to get her in a proper fireman’s carry or even throw her over a shoulder. It was a full on bridal carry, or in this case, a princess carry.
“It’s okay.” I locked eyes not at her but the fourth door, still ahead of us. “You’re not meant for this world. Hell, you’re a pacifist.” I laughed, me and Scout could finally speed up. I couldn’t carry her for long, but the distance was short enough, short enough we could finally be fast.
“If I was just faster-”
“Don’t.” I interrupted her, and we finally made it to the last door. Still with her in my arms, I kicked it open. “People like you and Scout, you aren’t meant to be fast, or be good shots. You don’t need to be. You’re not meant to be fighters.” We rushed into the small room with a metal staircase going up, just as Scout slammed the door shut behind us. I placed Ludus down on the metal steps and drew my revolver.
“That’s my job.”
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Author’s Note: Ludus is used to remind myself and the audience how normal people (and me) would fair as Theseus, the answer is poorly.
Vaguely important second note: This series (for once), and bonus one shots are part of a writing challenge in which I write and post something every day until I finish writing the series. Thus being written like an episodic T.V. show.
Thanks for reading. :}
Day 10/ ?
Posted Aug 12, 2026, 3:54 AM UTC