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Writing my problems down in a journal makes me feel like insecure little bitch .maybe I am I wouldn’t even be a good one. I probably suck at that too just like I suck ay at everything else. I miss having someone to talk to about my problems. But that also came a price;hurtbetrayal and even more trust issuesas if the ones I already had weren’t enough. Ill never trust a female again on my soul. I don’t ever want to feel this stupid and betrayed ever again. I should’ve listened to my gut like I always do. Even though that prevents me from trying and exploring other things in my life always leaving me wondering what if. What if me and Aisha actually ever fell in love if I gave it a chance and tried. But id rather have what ifs than I wish I never’s. At least with what ifs I do not feel like a piece of clothing fogotern on the wire when it starts raining and mud splashback is ruining my white fabric. At least I don’t feel like a piece of clothing bought off the shelf on impulse only to realize when you get home that you hate the design and it’s now probably going to be used as your dogs sleeping mat or worse a useless rag/doormat. Someone else would’ve loved that same design you now despise andnow disgusts you. Someone would’ve worn that as their best piece of clothing only for special occasions. Better yet you picked out the last of it’s kind on the shelf and that someone who would’ve appreciated it couldn’t find it and they ended up buying another piece of clothing. What the hell you never know that was probably the last of it’s kind as the company has recently been liquidated and no longer manufactures them. And all for what a temporary surge of dopamine,temporary happiness you wanted to enjoy without really thinking about making the choice to buy it. Buying it just to throw it away because money to you is but just an object.And now that clothing now wipes dust and filth from the soles of your feet and soon itll be chucked in the garbage when it could have been loved and cared for by someone who appreciates its value. Now even if jenny happens to find that same piece of clothing at your house as she was randomly a salesman walking door to door,would she not feel heartbroken watching such a wonderful thing being wasted away. It’s heartbreaking for the t shirt too as it would now have no self worth or even think he would be enough for jenny because he has been torn out,taken for granted and wasted away.hed rather be trown in the trash and never be owned by anyone else again,he could never trust anyone thus. Ill never trust a female again