“Why do men/women always?…..”

These questions come up a lot in every dating sub, and even in this sub about being single, so I thought I’d take a crack at it. I’m older, I dated and was in serious relationships for almost thirty years of my life before I decided to retire, and in my time dating I saw a little bit of everything. What I observed is that there is no gender specific behavior across the board, whatever it is that frustrates or frustrated you in relationships was not related to that person’s gender. I see a lot of complaints from both sides especially about why men/women ghost on apps or why they don’t put more effort into their profiles. Or you’ll read a lot about how men are all Neanderthal pigs and man-babies and women are all nagging harpies who are bad with money. Believe me, I’ve know plenty women who were absolute cavewoman slobs and plenty of men who were broke, nagging rage-a-holics. There is no universal rule, and anything you’ve ever show frustration about is something the opposite gender is equally frustrated about.

My realization, back when I used to wonder “why are all women X and Y and Z,” was that either I’m attracted a very specific kind of of woman or I attracted a very specific kind of woman. Another possibility was that in a specific area personality traits are dominant and the result is that the next woman I dated was just a slightly different version of the woman I just dated. Regardless, the result was that I scratched my head wondering why I kept running into the same brick wall. We all funnel life through the lens of our own experience. In the end, I realized I’m not cut out for serious relationships and found my true peace staying single. Women were never the problem, men aren’t the problem either, we all have the same traits, characteristics, strengths and shortcomings in common and have to figure out our own paths through trial and error.