I can't take being the treatment I get as a child

I can't take it with the "fix your face", the "don't talk back at me", the beatings the yelling, the fear, humiliation and then parents being all buddy buddy with you in the end I can't take it with this kind of treatment I'm afraid about talking about it with my parents because I feel like they will just act erratic I can't take the memories I just can't take it any longer to me it feels narcissistic and abusive or maybe I'm just a sensitive little bitch who can't respect them. So I lash out in my room try to kill myself and I'm in this state of just hating the world hating everything and I don't know who to talk to about it I can't take the culture I grew up in I just can't do it anymore.