Sharing my story feel free to give feedback

I was groomed not that long ago, he was 18 when I was 13 he's turning 20 whenever school starts, I'm going into highschool this year and I've been thinking about him more and more, I want more people to talk to about this with me but I'm dragging it, everything I do is centered around him, I stay up, and stare at his face to go to bed and I think about future memories like he hasn't been gone for a month, he was supposed to be gone a year ago but I disobeyed my mother, I stalked him and my obsession with his life is starting to harm me and I'm starting to want to harm him as well and any person that speaks to him, My life shouldn't be centered around him anymore, I have passion's but nothing is worth losing him but hes already gone.