Anyone else get that one major depressive episode in the year?

Does anybody else get that one major depressive episode yearly? Where it’s REALLY REALLY bad. As in you are so reactively sewersidal? It’s not just a deep hum of depression, it’s like a loud, sharp, despair AND the deep depression. You just want anything to fix it, and you get logical about care and how others don’t actually genuinely care about you.

Not sure how else to explain it but it’s like an affective disorder and you just feel so helpless, horrific, alone, you’re scream crying every hour, NOTHING fixes it, and you’re desperately wanting a solution, you start thinking about moving overseas, changing jobs, respite, chatting with strangers etc. You just want the feeling to end. You want all the reassurance in the world yet you don’t even believe the reassurance.

Like it’s so bad, and you physically get sick as well. I would really love to hear from your experiences 🥺