Venting and need advice

Peace be upon you.

I do not know is this is the right place but i hope so it is just needed to get this off my chest because it’s been on my mind a lot lately and I cant really openly talk to anyone so i thought this would be a safe space to share this. Watching the whole matrimonial process happen around me right now has just been making me overthink things.

Basically, as my family’s been checking for brides for my cousins and stuff, I keep noticing how much people focus on looks and skin tone. I’m brown and not fair, and it’s just sad seeing how everyone always seems to look for fair girls for their sons when its time for marriage. Growing up I’ve definitely seen pretty privilege in action. My mom is literally so beautiful, and I’ve just never felt like I compare to her or my cousins at all. No one is ever mean to my face but it does slip out sometimes and yah they instantly regret it like i know they do and they feel bad like Ive heard my aunts talking about girls and be like "shes a little brown" and when they realise ive heard it they do feel really bad and try to divert the topic. And another time when i was talking with my aunt she was talking about her first pregnancy and when she got to know the gender (girl) she would pray shed be fair and have big eyes (i have neither of them lol) and she underatood like it must have sounded bad to me she immediately changed the topic. My maternal grandmother would comment casually how i entirely went to my dads side of the family meaning like brown and yah looking more like him i guess which is fine with me I love him so much never met a better man in my life I hope to have a heart as good as his too.

Thank God I’d like to think I’m a good person at heart, with a good personality and decent manners (though of course there’s always room to grow and improve). But it makes me wonder and to the men here, do you all actually care this much about skin tone in real life, or is it mostly just the older generation/families pushing it?

Because seeing how much weight people put on all of this, my biggest fear in the end is really for my parents.Like this is the thing that bothers me so much theyre such good people i love them so much. I trust my Lord 100% and I know what’s meant for me will find me, but I still get so scared that when my time comes, my parents are going to have to struggle so much and work extra hard just to find a match for me because of these dumb societal standards. My parents have given everything to me i would say i lead a much more comfortable life than many in my family and Im really grateful for it and this just adds to my guilt of not being good enough like my parents deserved a much more beautiful more more better daughter than me . Ive heard my mother say once casually during a talk "oh they (my cousins) will be easily married off to good men" and I as casually mentioned to my dad sitting next to me "oh well i guess it would be a little harder for you lol" but yah i unfortunately teared up and yah my dad also got sad because i think this way and he comforted me a lot. My parents have never made me feel sad about myself but I feel (more like i know) if i looked a little more like my mom maybe shed be happier cause she i like really beautiful like the prettiest in her family id say (but again this could just be my insecurity coming to light).

Ive always grown up insecure because of all these things and i face other problems like pimples and stretch marks which i know it normal but it all gets a little overwhelming at times. Ive never felt that beautiful growing up and like ive always such an atmosphere around me that says pretty people are more deserving in every sphere of life. When my cousins and all woulf get compliments for theur beauty id just linger around silently. Im not jealous of them and I will not be. Because of all this ive also grown to not really have any demands like at all and i should just take what i get instead of asking and i settle for really less at times because i feel thats all i deserve.

I don't mean to talk bad about anyone, I’m just feeling down about it today and wanted to vent.

And just an additional question how big of a deal are stretch marks to men causr i have quite a few on me 🥲👊

Sorry its super long...