I’m gonna be writing this through blurred tears so forgive me for any typos. 

2 weeks ago xenon suddenly had a decreased appetite and wouldn’t eat. Took her to a vet last Tuesday that was concerned about asthma, which made sense since we recently moved to an apartment where the upstairs neighbor smoked. She actually improved until yesterday. Sudden, horrible deterioration. Took her to the emergency room and they immediately took her to the ICU, oxygen, fluids, pressors. They were pretty sure it was FIP. She barely lasted two hours after that. 

I am devastated. She wasn’t even 6 years old yet. And now there are so many what-ifs. Why was I an idiot that kept her in secondhand smoke for two months? Why didn’t the vet realize just how sick she was going to become? Why didn’t I get the recommended chest xray, maybe it would’ve shown something more? 

Terrible things happen all the time, but she was basically my daughter and best friend. She got me through so many rough times, and when she needed me, I couldn’t even be with her in the ICU. I thought she’d grow up with my future kids. Now I come home to an empty apartment. 

Xenon was the friendliest cat anyone would ever meet, didn’t matter if you were gonna stick a rectal probe up her butt, she would go rub up against you first. She loved terrorizing my TV when I put cat enrichment videos on. She had a pooch the size of Jupiter. I don’t know when this gets easier but I’ll always love her. 

Ok time to cry again. Thank you for reading, I just needed to rant a little bit. 

I’ve never felt like this before…xenon is gone