My little brother died unexpectedly in May. He’s helping me step out of my comfort zone.

My younger brother had a hard journey. I was the Golden Child in an immigrant family, the oldest who was expected to be successful, and I am. However, this also made me pretty risk averse and conflict-avoidant, and I missed out on some opportunities because of that.

My little brother (7 years younger) always lived in my shadow. He was a risk taker and ultimately a disappointment in my parents’ eyes. He died unexpectedly in May just as he was starting to turn his life around. We were all gutted, but I felt like I really let him down.

Since then I’ve been processing my grief and it’s come out in different ways. The biggest change I’ve noticed is caring a lot less about what others think of me.

I am a star performer at work but I’ve never really advocated for myself when it comes to raises, promotions, etc. My coworkers joke about me being a “lifer” at the company.

Last week I was in a meeting where I felt someone was deliberately talking over me, and for the first time in my career and in front of a pretty senior crowd, I politely told the person to be quiet so I could finish my thought. There were a few seconds of awkward silence.

After the meeting my manager started to reprimand me in private but I stopped her in her tracks. I told her that while I understand the seniority and social dynamics at play, she needs to understand that I am no longer interested in that game. I own our most important products, my book of clients is the most valuable in the business unit, and I haven’t had a raise or promotion in years. I didn’t make any demands, but I told her I would not be talked over again in a meeting, and from this point forward I expect her to advocate for me.

She was stunned. In my nearly decade with the company and 4 years reporting to her, I’ve never been so direct and confrontational. I have them over a barrel and everyone knows it. If I leave, I know a good chunk of my clients will follow me wherever I go. Not only that, but if they try to fire me I have a pretty good retaliation case as some of these guys were dumb enough to threaten me via email.

I feel my brother’s spirit in me. I’m done getting walked on.