What's your experience with emotional disconnect and numbness?
I (44F) and my (41M) husband have been together 10 years but on a hell of a roller coaster for the past 5 months.
About 2 weeks ago I gave him my notarized half of the divorce paperwork. All he has to do is notarize his half and file. This was not used as a scare tactic....he's literally had the paperwork for months, we only recently filled it out, I went ahead and did my part and presented it in a way that let him know he had a "way out".
Sunday I noticed the paperwork still sitting in his dresser. I asked him where he was in his thought process and what we were doing.
He always starts out defensive in the conversation so I ended it with letting him know our bank notorizes for free and he gets off work with enough time to file, if it's what he truly wanted.
Afterwards he seeks me out and asks why I hold onto the marriage if he makes me unhappy. I explained that he didn't make me unhappy but the situation does and I cannot stay without movement any longer. The conversation concluded that he isn't in love with me (honestly I'm not in love with him either, but would like to rekindle and rebuild on the foundation we still have). I would absolutely love to fall in love with my husband again. He also told me that he did not want the responsibility of a marriage (he admitted he knew this sounded immature) and that he did not want to be tethered but he's scared that whatever he's going through could be just a phase and knows if he files that paperwork he loses access to his best friend. I've told him that I believe something is still there, I don't want to lose the one person I've loved and shared a bond with like no other and that I would also be losing my best friend. I have also explained that this is not healthy for me and my nervous system needs to be able to relax at some point sooner than later.
He says he has no want for an emotional connection, does not feel the need to seek one out, therefore the "never know until you try" method isn't going to work for him. He admitted that his nervous system feels completely dried up yet the paperwork still sits on his dresser. I don't want to lose my husband but the lack of emotion, connection, and physical touch from him kills me inside and I feel defeated and have admitted this to him.
Does anyone have a similar experience and if so, can you tell me about your outcome and how you finally reached said outcome?
Was it just your midlife crisis...he did just buy a new big truck 🤣🤣
Posted Aug 12, 2026, 11:03 AM UTC