The VERY long wait

I was going to write this last night but again found my state of hallucinations off of my best friend THC. Anyways it’s the next day now so i can finish writing this it’s been about 2 weeks since the OD attempt and i’ve NEVER been at a lower point in my life. All these people arround me FINALY are doing something and trying to prove to me that they care. But in my opinion it’s ALL fake. If they truly felt this way they would have noticed before. Now i’m not mad at them for not noticing before but i am mad they’re only NOW trying. It’s almost as if you have to do something to get people to notice. Thats not what i wanted at all. I’m u ser 1:1 24/7 supervision at home being watched never left alone. They locked everything away from me knives, pills ANYTHING they think i can harm myself with. They’ve taken away my alcohol, weed and my zyns. When i got home the took my door and my phone leaving me ALONE for about a day. They call the police any time i leave the house and they bring me RIGHT back home. They’re getting my youth worker to do interventions and again i don’t go to them sober because im not listening to ANY of that. I’ve held off today so i can write this but intend to go STRAIGHT upstairs to go smoke so for however long this lasts i don’t have to be present mentally for it. Honestly people downplay it but as a personal experiance it’s like everything bad going away for the whole day then waking up the next day as if i just blinked. I don’t know if i plan to try again. At the moment that’s where my heads heading but again being forced into therapy and counselling by the crisis team cause they dragged me to the ER. I don’t know how long this is going to last and i don’t know how much longer i can last. I’m starting college in a month so the rest of of my depressing worthless life as a working man begins. I was sitting there the other day thinking and listening to how people in their 20’s -60’s talk and genuinely don’t understand how people are happy. The way they talk is so bland and makes me think of i’ll even make it to that age and if i do how am i even still alive. Anyways i have 1 friend and one family member i talk to but she’s not in the country so im going to “make them hate me” in a sense because i don’t want them to be involved anymore as their the only reason im still here cause they were the only two people who got a goodbye letter and yeah….. It’s fine just gotta get through this or find an opportunity. I’m asking this nicely i’m not looking for ANY help and if anyone actualy dose try i’ll ignore it just like how that paid counsellor / therapist “cares about you” tries talking to me 🤷‍♂️ (I DONT CONDONE THE USE OF ANY ILLEGAL NARCOTICS OR SUICIDE AS A SOLUTION)