5 months no contact

I've been almost 5 months no contact, it's been really good for me, but it's also still weird. Hoping to talk to a therapist around November.

One thing that makes me feel like I have no right to do this, is that I know she loved us, I know she loves her kids deeply. But, she went her whole life with no family support, her mom and dad were prickly with their love, and would pick on her often. Same with her brothers, but then in 2001 one of her brothers passed away from mono. He was the favourite, I was only 3 at the time so I don't have much memory, but what I was told it changed the family dynamic alot.

My mom for sure had some sort of mental health issues going on, I believe she has undiagnosed neurodivergents. She's always struggled to get along with people, especially coworkers. She has always struggled to control her emotions, and has always been very self centered. All of this got worse as she got older. My dad said she tried therapy once, but she quit halfway through and said it's not for her.

I feel her pain, all of it. Then she takes her pain out on everyone else. I've seen the toxicity that she send my dad at 6 am in the morning. They are divorced, and they definitely needed to separate. But she can't let go, and when she feels that pain and anger, she'll take it out on who ever is on her "enemy list".

I sent her a letter last Thursday, it should've been delivered by now. Really hoping a change will happen. It's just so sad that this is what it has come to.