[25M] Straight twink who can’t stop craving to be a used whore - Totally confused

I’m 25, always called myself straight, only been with girls, still into them… but half the time I just want to be feminized and turned into a total whore. Used by anyone, in any way, degraded, treated like a cheap fucktoy.

Right now I’m stuck on vacation with my family, haven’t gooned in weeks. Sitting at home covered in sunburn, skin all hot and sensitive, and all I can think about is getting held down, used, and raped while I’m like this - desperate and denied.

Is this normal? How do you even deal with urges this strong? I’m really confused by them, they make me feel bad, and I can’t handle them.