I lost my friend of 8 yrs

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Okay, so first of all, Anna and Chloe are obviously not their real names. I'm using fake names because I don't want to put anyone's actual name on the internet.

I met Anna when I was in 5th grade. We met through a mutual friend. Anna had just shifted to my school, she became friends with my friend, and eventually the three of us became a group.

In 6th, our mutual friend left the school, so it became me and Anna.

And honestly, we became really close.

Like, when I say best friends, I mean BEST friends. We were basically attached at the hip. We had our fights, our stupid arguments, our good days, our bad days, everything. But we always came back to each other.

Then COVID happened.

7th and 8th grade were basically COVID years, so obviously we couldn't meet properly. During that time, Anna was going through a really horrible period mentally. She was dealing with a lot at home, especially because her parents weren't supportive of her dream of becoming an artist. She also lost her grandfather to COVID, which made everything even worse.

She was struggling with suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and I was there for her as much as I possibly could be.

The thing is, I was a kid too.

I didn't really know what I was doing. I was just trying to keep my best friend okay through phone calls, messages, late-night conversations, whatever I could do because we couldn't physically be there for each other.

And honestly, those two years put a LOT of pressure on me too. I was constantly worried about her.

Eventually, things got better.

By 9th grade, Anna was doing much better. And I was genuinely happy. I felt like maybe things were finally okay.

And then we met Chloe.

Again, Chloe is also a fake name.

At first, Chloe was actually really nice. I had no problem with her. The three of us became friends, and for a while everything was completely fine.

But Chloe was... possessive of Anna.

Like, REALLY possessive.

She once wrote Anna a three-page letter basically saying that she wished Anna would only be friends with her and didn't want Anna having other friends. Anna also had another best friend, let's call her Ida, and there was drama surrounding that too.

Anna's mom eventually found out about the whole thing and told Anna to stay away from Chloe because she thought Chloe was bringing drama into her life.

But somehow, we all stayed friends.

And I didn't really care. I thought Chloe was a little much sometimes, but she was still my friend.

Then 10th grade happened.

And this is where I think things slowly started changing.

I started noticing that Anna and Chloe were getting closer and closer.

And I was slowly becoming the third person.

The floater friend.

The person who's technically part of the group but isn't really part of it.

There was this school trip in 10th.

Chloe actually convinced me to go because none of my other friends were going. I'm pretty introverted and don't have a huge friend group, while Chloe has tons of friends.

So I thought, okay, at least Chloe will be there.

Except on the bus, there were only two seats per row.

And Chloe chose to sit with someone else.

So I sat alone.

Both on the way there and on the way back.

It was my first proper school trip, and it was supposed to be this fun, exciting thing.

Instead, I spent a lot of it feeling completely alone.

It was a three-day trip, and I remember being so upset that I cried myself to sleep.

And then we came back.

At some point, Chloe took Anna aside to talk about something that happened on the trip. I was like, "Oh, I'll come too," because, you know, I was literally there too.

And Chloe basically told me to go talk to other people because she wanted to talk to Anna.

I don't think she even realized how much that hurt me.

But I did.

Eventually, Chloe and I had a massive fight over everything.

We fell out.

Then we reconciled.

And honestly, looking back, I think I was way too desperate to save that friendship.

I was always the one apologizing.

Even when I genuinely didn't think everything was my fault, I'd still go to her and say sorry because I didn't want to lose the friendship.

I just wanted things to go back to how they were.

11th grade came around.

In my country, you choose your stream in 11th — science, commerce, humanities, etc.

I chose science.

Anna and Chloe chose humanities.

So suddenly they were in the same stream, with the same classmates, while I was thrown into a completely new environment.

And the distance just got worse.

I started feeling like I was only useful to them.

They'd come to me when they needed help with something.

They'd call me when they needed something.

But outside of that?

Nothing.

I felt like an inconvenience.

Like I was only still in their lives because we'd known each other for so long.

I actually tried talking to them about it.

I remember trying to have proper conversations with them like, "Are we falling out? Did I do something? What's happening?"

But I never really got an answer.

They'd say nothing was wrong, but their actions were telling me something completely different.

11th passed like that.

Half of 12th passed like that.

Then came my birthday.

They called me, they came to my birthday, and the next day I invited them over again because I genuinely wanted to spend time with them.

And they just seemed... bored.

I was trying so hard to entertain them and make them have a good time.

Meanwhile, I could literally feel that they would rather be somewhere else.

Then December came.

And suddenly, they just stopped talking to me.

No fight.

No big argument.

Nothing that I could point to and say, "Okay, THIS is what ended our friendship."

I asked them what was wrong.

They said nothing.

But they wouldn't talk to me.

And I kept trying.

That's the embarrassing part.

I kept calling.

Throughout 10th, 11th and 12th, I was constantly the one trying to keep this friendship alive.

They could ignore my calls, but if they called me, I'd pick up almost immediately.

I was THAT desperate to save this friendship.

Because this wasn't just some random friendship.

This was my best friend of eight years.

We had grown up together.

We'd been through COVID together.

We'd been through fights.

We'd been through horrible periods of our lives.

I'd been there for her when she was at one of the lowest points in her life.

And now?

We graduated.

We're all in different colleges.

And they blocked my number.

That's it.

Eight years.

Gone.

And the worst part is that I can still see pictures of Anna and Chloe on Instagram.

They're travelling together.

They're on completely different sides of the country, but they're still finding ways to meet each other and make memories together.

Without me.

They don't ask me to come.

They don't talk to me.

They don't even seem to remember that I exist.

And I keep looking at those pictures and thinking...

What did I do wrong?

Was I not fun enough?

Was I too boring?

Was I not outgoing enough?

Was I just not lovable enough to be someone's best friend?

Because that's honestly what it feels like sometimes.

Like maybe there was something fundamentally wrong with me that made them eventually choose each other over me.

But when I really think about it, I don't think there was one moment where everything suddenly ended.

I think I lost Anna slowly.

I lost her every time she walked ahead with Chloe while I followed behind.

Every time I tried to speak and got cut off.

Every time they made plans without me.

Every time my calls weren't answered.

Every time I was only remembered when they needed something.

And maybe the bus ride was just the first time I actually felt it.

I remember sitting there alone and realizing, "Oh."

"I'm actually alone."

And I think that's when something in me changed.

Because I kept thinking that if I just tried harder, apologized more, became more interesting, became more fun, whatever — maybe they'd want me again.

But you can't force someone to choose you.

And I think that's the hardest part.

I don't hate Anna.

I don't even know if I could hate her after eight years.

I'm just hurt.

Because I don't think I'm grieving only the friendship we had at the end.

I'm grieving the friendship we had when we were kids.

The version of Anna who was my best friend.

The version of us that doesn't exist anymore.

And maybe that's why it's so hard to let go.

Because eight years is a long fucking time.

I just wish I knew what happened.

I wish someone would tell me what I did wrong.

But maybe I'll never get that answer.

And maybe I have to accept that sometimes a friendship can mean the absolute world to you...

and still not mean the same thing to the other person anymore.