My Wife Gives Everyone Her Best and Me Her Worst (45M, 42F)

Pretty much I know this won't go on forever. My wife invites people over all the time to stay with us or visit; she is so lovely to those people. We go out to dinner and everyone else is given such a social butterfly. I hear her talk with friends on the phone and the loveliest person you could ever hear is talking to them. When the company leaves, I barely get any attention and her main focus is on her social media and her newly found bad habit, chain-smoking. She stays up way too late and I am asleep before she goes to bed, even if we sleep in the same room. Hell, maybe I don't care if she is talking to another lover.

I tried to give grace because she had a hard time with her mother's death almost three years ago. She took a lot of her grief out on me, and I stupidly acted like a doormat. Now, before the grieving process, she had some anger issues and hostility, but it was negligible and there was intimacy. I was pretty passive because I wanted peace at home and quite frankly, it worked great because she would apologize after her anger let out. But when I see her treating everyone so nicely and ignoring me and my needs years afterwards, or treating me with hostility, I don't think that grief is a crutch she can rely upon or at a minimum, she needs to realize that I am the priority and use some of her good graces on me too.

I offered marital counseling 1.5 years ago after an incident where I tried to get intimate with her and she told me I grossed her out. I was really upset and I called her out. She floated the idea of divorce, and I gladly accepted; maybe I called her bluff. After that, I offered couple's counseling and she said she didn't have time.

Now I am just at the point where I know this will collapse. I am a very sexual person and we had sex 1 time in last 2.5 years. She is killing herself with chain-smoking and sleep deprivation. It is to the point where I am forgetful of the fact I am married many of times and wanting to seek a date (maybe my mind is creating a dissonance to make me realize how bad things are and leave).

TLDR wife is nice to everyone but me and I am creating a scenario where I am single in my mind.