Confession: I Finally Got What I Wanted… Sort Of

On the last day of class last semester, after final exams, L asked for my phone number.

And since he's no longer my student, I can finally tell you his name is Luke.

Luke did text me. And eventually we decided to meet for drinks.

I wanted to be able to come back here and tell you this wild story about how amazing the date was. That all of that tension we'd built up over the semester carried right over into real life. Maybe we'd have a few drinks, end up at a hotel, and I'd come back with an even better confession to tell you.

But here's the truth.

The drink was the best part of the date. 😂

And honestly, that surprised me.

I'd spent an entire semester being incredibly attracted to this man. There had been so much buildup between us—the flirting, the anticipation, those private moments in my office, and probably most of all, knowing that we shouldn't be doing any of it.

I think the naughtiness and suspense were a much bigger part of the attraction than I realized at the time.

Because when Luke and I were finally sitting across from each other at a bar, with no reason to sneak around and nothing stopping us anymore, something was different.

I was still attracted to him. Very attracted to him.

That part definitely wasn't imaginary. Every time he touched me, I felt electricity in my whole body. The kiss Goodbye was amazing but left me wanting more than what he could offer.

We just didn't have that much to talk about.

The conversation was fine. He was still sweet. I still enjoyed being with him. But I kept waiting for that other kind of chemistry to kick in—the kind where one conversation turns into three more and suddenly you've been sitting there for hours.

It didn't.

And that was probably the biggest surprise of the whole thing.

For months I'd thought the physical chemistry between us was the thing pulling me toward him. And it was definitely part of it. But apparently I need more than that.

I need someone who makes me curious.

Someone who makes me think.

Someone I can talk to for hours and still want to know more about when we're finished.

Maybe Luke and I were always better at flirting and teasing than we were ever going to be at dating. And honestly? There's nothing wrong with that. Not every attraction has to turn into something bigger.

Classes start again in a little over a week, so I suppose it's almost time to put my professor hat back on and behave myself.

Although, if last semester taught me anything, it's that I should probably stop making predictions about how that's going to go. 🤭

For now, I'm taking one lesson from Luke with me:

Physical chemistry can get my attention.

Keeping it takes something else entirely.

So here's my guilty conscience question...

Have you ever wanted someone so badly and then finally had the opportunity to be with them, only to realize the attraction wasn't quite enough?

Because apparently I need someone who can stimulate my mind just as much as everything else.