Locked memories

I (22f) find it a little sad that I can’t recall most of my childhood memories even a good chunk of my teenage years. It’s like I don’t have access to my own mind and feelings. I had a really traumatic childhood but I know for sure amongst those I also had good moments but instead of me being able to remember and feel what I felt then it’s just nothing. Idk how else to explain it but like I can picture my old kitchen growing up but I can’t remember making anything in the kitchen or even small things like holding a conversation in there. It’s almost like I just see a photo of it and nothing else. Idk this is all weird

TLDR: I can’t remember my childhood and it makes me sad