I'm 32F and I'm currently having a lot of trouble navigating adult friendships.   
  
To give a bit of context without turning this into a novel, I left my home country at 18 to pursue university in another country (both in Europe), so all friendships that had formed during high school or earlier kind of slowly dissolved. There were some people (mean girls type of friends) that I had realized were toxic and gladly left them behind. I stayed in contact with 1 or 2 people, but we're touching base like once a year. Today, I have a 9yo daughter that I've raised in joint custody with her dad (we separated when she was very young) and let's say life has not been easy being a foreigner in a new country, being quite young, navigating jobs, low pay, difficulty to rent flats, finding myself homeless when I had to leave my ex (psychologically abusive). 

The person I called my best friend (from school), even though we lived in different countries, we managed to call each other quite often, see each other whenever we'd be visiting , but he ended up moving quite far and aside from that, got involved with an older rich gentleman and our values no longer aligned. He became super spoiled, spending money left and right, going hard into plastic surgery, while I was struggling. We had tons of great conversations along the years, but sprinkled with "you should find a rich man" "you should hang out in expensive hotel lobbies to meet a rich man." There was little empathy (or if there was, it was pity). I obviously didn't fault him for having a more abundant life and I was always happy for being so well off, supported him whenever he had business ideas, but it was clear we were not aligned anymore. If I'm being honest, I probably ended up being judgmental because whenever he was telling me how much he was spending on luxury items, I was saying "You should try to save that money and invest in real estate, at least you'd have something to fall back on should something happen with your partner." He never really had a real job. We ended up breaking up the friendship when we were supposed to go on a holiday with some other people, he was aiming all the expensive things and events, I was trying to say it was coming down to being too expensive and he said that he's kinda over me being poor/not able to afford things and always thinking of bills and the didn't want to be in that headspace. We fought, sent some more messages about not being aligned anymore and there went a friendship that lasted around 20 years.

I made friends (buddies) in all the jobs I had, had great times together while being in the company, but then those friendships kind of fizzled as well. I understand they were not life-long friendships, but more situational, and once you move on from the job, it doesn't really have the legs to go much further. 

Today, I can count 2 really good friends that know everything about me and walked with me through many phases of life. And probably 10 more distant friends that I see from time to time (or talk on the phone for those that live in other countries). 

What I'm trying to say is that I find it very hard to stay friends with people that I'm not (no longer) aligned with. I became a mother quite young and no one around me (and when I say no one, it's really no one) had a child yet. I'm the odd one out. I had 2 close-ish friends that I used to go out with, but they only wanted to go clubbing and sleep around (no judgment on this, but not my style at all). At some point, they couldn't understand me when I was declining on some weekends to go out cause I had my daughter with me. They couldn't understand why I was so picky when it came to men and not really entertaining any john in the club, even less when I didn't want to have casual sex. When they were telling me about their adventures, I didn't have much to say either aside from "that sounds so fun". I am not judging, they couldn't understand my life as a single mother, I could no longer align with their style either. The friendship winded down. 

Another friend (the long distance best friend's cousin) was so fixated on finding a man and having a baby that nothing mattered anymore. Friendship died down as well. 

Another thing is that I have professional projects/ambition that I want to pursue, despite my own shortcomings (being a procrastinator, struggling to make the first step in setting up my business, getting bored easily and giving up). There are few occasions when the discussions turned around this topic and it stayed superficial (like "so what are you gonna do? okay, cool"). I like to encourage and support the people in my life when they launch businesses and push them if they need a push to get the ball rolling. They haven't done the same for me. 

Today, I have a good earning job. My daughter is grown enough so that I can think more and more about myself and my targets. I have big plans business on the side wise. I don't struggle in life anymore, but I also seem to have done so much by myself that I have no trouble cutting people off when I see I'm not aligned with them. I'm even afraid I might be pushing people away because I don't have the patience to deal with them anymore. 

Bottom line is that on one hand I crave sisterhood, women supporting women, genuine kind heartfelt friendships. On the other hand, it seems I can't find the right people, I'm probably not moving in the right circles, I've become jaded, and making friends as an adult sucks eggs altogether, it seems. I have no issues being by myself, but I also know friendships bring something important to the table. 

Dinner (more like evening snacking): burrata salad, fresh figs with honey and olive oil, arugula, Parma ham. 

Struggling with adult friendships