I quit. Again. In the dumbest way possible.

Written by me, **polished** with AI with a simple polish prompt. If you'd rather read my raw input, I've included it below. Although I write pretty terribly.

So, as is tradition, after a few years of sobriety, things were going a little too well in my life, so I decided I needed to step up and fuck everything up again.

I already knew how hard kratom is to quit, having gone through that cycle a few times before, so naturally, I decided to put myself through it again.

Being a pro and using the skills I'd developed over the years, it didn't take me long to develop a crippling addiction. At this point, I had also just met the most incredible woman and started the best relationship of my life.

But kratom wasn't fucking things up fast enough.

Then I hear there's something new, kratom-based, that has the potential to fling me right past my historic rock bottom, so obviously we gotta get on that.

Fast forward about a year and roughly $40,000 down the drain, and my partner begins to truly understand the scale of my addiction and decides to intervene.

The audacity!

She does days of research, much of it from this very sub, and comes to me with an actionable taper plan. One that she would administer for me, along with a growing list of supplements she'd read could help abate some of the withdrawal symptoms.

She also understood what some of the physical effects of withdrawal were like and told me I didn't have to worry about being strong for now. She didn't want me feeling self-conscious or focusing on anything other than recovery because she truly loves me.

Well, seeing how much work she put into this taper plan, and just how much she cared, I obviously didn't have any other choice but to immediately go and get on methadone.

(Goddammit, you idiot. I still will never forgive you for this one, you dummy.)

So, after about nine months of hero dosing at a methadone clinic, 85 mg daily, I figured I was finally ready to be done with it all and devised a plan to quit.

What if, instead of using any of the established ways to taper, I just invented my own nonsense?

I went to the smoke shop and got a few bottles of the same garbage I was taking right before I jumped to methadone. I came home and bee-lined it straight to my girl's home office.

"Here," I said. "Hide these and only give them to me when I ask for them. Don't ever say no if I ask, alright? Deal?"

She agreed, put them in her desk to hide after I left the office, and went back to work.

I waited a few hours before I came down for my first dose. I'm supposed to ask her for one, so naturally, I waited for her to leave the house.

Lucky for me, I know how she thinks and where she hides things.

Instead of just asking for one, I found the bottle and took half. This way, I could ensure that instead of simply going with the plan, I could break her heart a little while I was at it. I mean, who doesn't like relationship-threatening fights while dopesick and withdrawing?

I burned through the bottle much quicker than I anticipated.

Exactly as I anticipated.

I really wanted to go get more, but unfortunately, this innocent substance had been scheduled and banned in my state the day before.

Rats.

Well, I guess I've been going backward in time anyway, so I might as well keep it going. I went back to the shop and got myself a bottle of plain leaf. Same stuff I was taking before I jumped up a notch.

I should mention that at this point, I was in full-blown withdrawals. Methadone withdrawals combined with (redacted) withdrawals, because I forgot to mention that while I jumped to methadone, I continued to periodically take (redacted).

This was something new.

The usual sharp acutes were there, but very muted. There was something else in their place, though: lethargy.

It was exhausting just taking my cock out to take a piss.

For the first two days, I barely moved. I couldn't keep my head up. It was too heavy.

But, like always, the good times have to end.

Those pains and the complete lack of energy slowly abated into something more manageable.

A few days later, I'm feeling better. At this point, I'm only taking kratom leaf powder, and I feel like I'm out of the woods with everything else.

I'm still eating hero doses of kratom every three hours. Twenty-three capsules per dose. I can sleep a few hours at a time as long as I can dose in between.

I do this for about a week.

Every day is better, until eventually I feel about how I did before my initial jump from this stuff to its stronger, meaner big brother.

After that week, I decide it's finally time to bring this cycle to a close and go back into the hibernation of sobriety again.

So I quit "cold turkey."

I'm still not sure if the withdrawals were mild because, compared to the hell I'd already gone through a week earlier, this was nothing, or if I simply hadn't given the kratom enough time to really dig its hooks back in. Either way, I was able to sleep a bit from night one.

All kidding aside, my addiction led me down some incredibly dumb paths this cycle.

And, to be honest, the reason I jumped on methadone in the first place was precisely because I was terrified of going through the pain of withdrawals yet again.

**I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS STRATEGY.**

Methadone is notoriously hard to quit, and let's be honest, the clinic isn't exactly in a rush to discharge a paying client.

At the time, I convinced myself that I couldn't just quit because I'd gotten a promotion, I had this incredible relationship, and I had all these other things going on in my life that I couldn't afford to derail.

Looking back, I keep kicking myself for not just taking a week off or tapering like a normal human being.

Anyway, now comes the actually hard part: life, and staying sober.

My heart goes out to each and every one of you going through this shit. Stay strong!!!

And please, for the love of God, be smarter than me.

**Unpolished, no AI**

So as is tradition, after a few years of sobriety things were going too well in my life, so i decided I needed to step up and fuck everything up again.

I already knew how hard Kratom is to quit as I have gone through cycle a few times, so naturally, I decided to put myself through that again.

Being a pro and by using my skills, it didn't take me long to develop a crippling addiction. At this point I had just met the most incredible woman, and started the best relationship of my life.

Kratom wasn't fucking things up fast enough. I hear there's something new, Kratom based, that has the potential to fling me right past my historic rock bottom, so obviously we gotta get on that.

So fast forward about a year, and about $40,000 dollars down the drain, my partner begins to truly understand the scale of my addiction and decides to intervene. The audacity! She does days of research, much of which came from this very sub right here, and comes to me with an actionable taper plan, one that she would administer for me, in addition to a growing list of supplements she had read abate some of the withdrawal symptoms. She also understood what some of the physical effects of withdrawal were like and told me that I don't have to worry about being strong for now. She didn't want me feeling self conscious, or focusing on anything other than recovery because she truly loves me.

Well seeing as how much work she put into this taper plan, and just how much she cared, I didn't have any other choice but to immediately go and get on methadone (goddammit you idiot I still will never forgive you for this one you dummy).

So. After about 9 months of a hero dosing at a methadone clinic (85 mg daily), I figured I've gotten my was finally ready to be done with it all and devised a plan to quit.

What if instead of all of the established ways to taper, I just invent my own nonsense? I went to the smoke shop and gotten a few bottles of the same garbage I was taking right before I jumped to methadone. I came home and bee-lined it straight to my girls home office. "here", I said. "hide these and only give them to me when I ask for them. Don't ever say no if ask alright? Deal?". She agreed, put them in her desk to hide after I left the office, and went back to work.

I wait a few hours before I come down for my first dose. I'm supposed to ask for one, so I waited for her to leave to house. Lucky for me, I know how she thinks and where she hides things. Instead of just asking for one, I find the bottle and take half. This way, I could ensure that instead of just going with the plan, I could break her heart a little while I'm at it. I mean, who doesn't like relationship threatening fights while dopesick and withdrawling.

I burned through the bottle much quicker than I anticipated. Exactly as I anticipated. I really wanted to go and get more, but unfortunately this innocent substance had been scheduled and banned in my state the day before.

Rats. Well I guess I've been going back in time anyway, might as well keep it going. I went back to the shop and got myself a bottle of plain leaf. Same stuff I was taking before I jumped up a notch.

I should mention that at this point I was in full blown withdrawals. Methadone withdrawals, combined with (redacted) withdrawals (because I forgot to mention that while I jumped to methadone, I continued to periodically take (redacted). This was something new. The usual sharp acutes were there but very muted. There was something new in its place though. Lethargy. It was exhausting taking my cock out to take a piss. First two days I barely moved. I couldn't keep my head up, it was too heavy.

But like always the good times have to end. Those pains and energy deficiency slowly abated into something more manageable.

A few days later and I'm feeling better. At this point I'm only taking Kratom leaf powder, and I feel like I'm out of the woods of all other substances.

I'm still eating hero doses of kratom every 3 hours. 23 capsules per dose. I can sleep a few hours at a time as long as I can dose in between.

I do this for about a week. Every day is better, until I feel about how I did before my intitial jump off of this to it's stronger, meaner, big brother. After the week, I decide it's time to bring this cycle to a close and go into the hibernation of sobriety again.

So I quit "cold turkey". No I'm not sure if the withdrawals were mild because compared to the hell I already went through a week ago this was nothing, or if I hadn't had enough time to let the kratom dig it's hooks in, but I was able to sleep a bit from night one.

All kidding aside, my addiction led me down some dumb paths on this cycle, and to be honest the reason I jumped on the methadone is precisely because I was terrified of going through the pain of WDs yet *again*. **I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS STRATEGY** Methadone is notoriously hard to quit, and let's be honest the clinic is in no rush to discharge a paying client. To be honest, at the time I thought I couldn't quit because I had just gotten a promotion, the relationship, etc etc. I keep kicking myself for not just taking a week off or tapering like a normal human.

Anyways, now comes the hard part, life and staying sober. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. Stay strong!!! And please be smarter than me!