We stayed together for 2 years and 6 month, the reason I'm saying it's a fairytale is because everything was so perfect and out of a fiction book until the very end...

- We met during a multi-school trip, under a pink sakura tree (in France !).
- We shared the exact same birthday as if the stars aligned.
- We both dumped our respective boyfriend/girlfriend (who were not in the trip) the day before confessing to each other at a party that was organized by the schools and from which we fled from to be alone together despite the fact that there would be BIG consequences if we got caught.
- The day after the party was when she had to take the bus back to her school and i ran after her to kiss her just before she entered the bus.

When we were both back to our house we discovered that we were 6 hours of car apart but we survived the long distance so well by seeing each other each other every vacation, playing Minecraft and other games, texting everyday about everything...
We knew everything about each other, watched each other entire favorites and childhood series (Avatar the Last Airbender, Descendants, the entirety of modern Doctor Who ect...), played every couple video games there is, we went climbing mountains, swimming, laughing, trying every >!kinky!< questions we had about ourselves and our preferences.

Our dynamic was all about deep understanding, long profound talks about feelings, even our future was all planned out, everything was perfect and so lively until around 2 month before she broke up with me she started to be exponentially more and more distant, quiet and straight up cold/careless/mean.

The rupture was also horrible for multiple reason:
- She was at my house one week before dumping me, letting me try for 2 weeks to cheer her up, she kept saying it was just school-stress when in reality it was me. I tried so hard when in reality she already took her decision but couldn't grow the balls to say it in front of me instead of a massive text to explain everything.
- I saw it coming 3 days before she sent me the text and I imagined some reasons of why that could be by analyzing some real weaknesses in our relationship but i could have never be ready for what i received.
The explanations were so full of disgusting and insanely cruel hypocritical things that i thought she could never even think of that it instantly made me question everything I thought i knew about her. Shattering the soft affectionate persona I had of her and shattering me in the process.
- I was just finishing composing/writing my first true song, which would have been a gift dedicated to her.
- We had only 1 episode to watch to finish the big series that we were watching (~400 ep.)
- It was the hottest day of the entire year (and the world, I'm in France)

It's been 2 month now and I am still so miserable, I have no friends and I don't really like my family.
I try new things to occupy my mind, like hobbies, projects and going on long walks/bike but everything makes me think of her, we did EVERYTHING together.
Even playing video game doesn't entertain me anymore.
I sleep 12-14 hours a day even when I'm trying to wake up sooner.
I miss the goodnights and goodmornings so so much and I feel pathetic.

The worst is that despite that horrible horrible message she sent me and the 2 month prior to that I still love her so so much.

All my life I've been in a relationship but not like a womanizer, they lasted 5 ; 1 ; 3 and 2 years respectively but all the previous ones were nowhere near that deep, that affectionate and that promising.
I don't know how I was able to since I'm not the popular kind of guy, never had more than 2 friends at a time, none lasted and I consider myself really lucky because every time it was the girl that came to me before I could grow the courage to make the first step.
What I'm trying to say is that I always had very little confidence in myself and I was so happy and proud to make a relationship grow so strong, or so I thought and now I'm back to being even more unconfident and feeling even more like a looser.

I don't know how I could ever get back the courage to try dating and how I could ever trust anyone anymore. How can I even get the patience or the strength to build all of that back with someone else ?

⚠️ sorry if there are mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker