I don't know what to do next

I've never been interested in becoming sexually active with guys, so I didn't pay attention to how hurtful penetration felt when ex. trying to put in a tampon. This changed though when I started getting invitations to pap smears and I literally could not have them done, even with the smallest speculum.

So I asked around and did some research, and have been dilating since late December. I went up to the biggest size available, got some toys and technically completed the objective.

But the problem is that even despite being able to insert things, it's not pleasant at all and hurts, even with lube. I am still missing and cancelling appointments and scans, because if I can't get it to stop hurting with arousal, then there's no way they will be able to examine me cold using just lube.

I know people here have recommended going to a gynaecologist or physiotherapist for pelvic floor exercises, but I'm scared that they will want a scan or an examination before offering any treatment, and I just can't have them yet despite dilating.

Is there any hope for me?