How to live with toxic people .....

TL;DR:

Dealing with a severe chronic illness, I've been forced to live under the same roof as my sexual abuser and my father who protects him for the past week. This inhumane situation is causing a severe spike in physical symptoms and draining all my energy. Due to extreme vulnerability, I'm preparing to leave and stay with family. In the meantime, my survival strategy is simple: completely ignore them, avoid any dialogue or confrontation, isolate myself for protection, and stop draining myself trying to overthink/control everything. Prioritize your health above all.

Hi everyone,

Sending you all lots of strength and support. I wanted to share what I’m currently going through because it’s a very serious, complicated, and completely surreal situation.

For the past week, I’ve been forced to live with my sexual abuser and my father who protects him.

Before this, despite my health condition, I was relatively stable. But for context, I am currently in a severe state. Over the past week, this has triggered overwhelming emotions, panic, and total exhaustion. My body is taking a huge hit: severe physical flare-ups (urinary retention issues, complete inability to sleep because my body and nervous system are so fried), my circadian rhythm is completely wrecked, and my symptoms are exploding. To try and relax, I bought some CBD, and I feel like it works pretty well. I’d recommend taking it as an oil or spray (that’s what I do since I can’t drink too much water due to my urinary retention issues).

When a crash hits, my old coping mechanisms kick back in: I try to control everything, I run through 1,000 mental strategies, and I exhaust myself trying to handle it. But I try to remind myself of one essential thing: it’s not on me to change my behavior, I did nothing wrong. I shouldn’t destroy myself when they are already trying to destroy me.

It’s also extremely easy for people to target someone with our health condition. The brain is directly impacted: it’s hard to think clearly, hard to know what to do in the moment, you can’t always control what you say or do, and you realize things a little too late. It’s a horrible feeling. If I could do it over, I wouldn’t have gotten so upset. I would have just acknowledged that these people aren't supporting me and looked for solutions, but with this level of exhaustion, it’s extremely hard.

As a highly vulnerable and disabled person, I can’t just pack my bags and walk out the door in two minutes; I don’t even have the physical strength to call the police.

I never feel safe in this house, but right now it’s even worse: they’ve forced their way into my room, they knock on my door, etc. I clearly expressed that I didn't want these people here, but nobody listens to me or protects me.

My only real option is to leave. While waiting to move in with a family member (I’m packing my things), here are my tips and the strategy I’m trying to use to survive and protect myself:

Completely ignore these people and cut off conversations: If you asked for help and nobody listened, shut down the discussion and stop communicating. Even if you feel the urge to talk (it’s hard for me because he’s still my father), if the person doesn't support you, they will use whatever you say against you. Be extremely careful about who you talk to and what you say.

Don't play their game: Avoid all confrontations and arguments. Every argument drains my energy drastically and triggers major crashes. If needed, lie a bit or pretend everything is fine just so they leave you alone.

Isolate yourself and calm down: Stay in your space, let emotions pass without trying to control everything, because ultimately, you can’t control their actions.

Put your health first: Record conversations if necessary to protect yourself.

My ultimate advice: Please, I truly advise you not to overthink it—just escape the situation completely. Get yourself to safety, run, leave, get out of there. Remember that things will potentially only get worse because you’ll sleep less and less, get more and more exhausted, and everything will become harder and harder. There will be consequences for these people later, but right now, put yourself first and get to safety.

When living with a very fragile health condition, anger, stress, and explanations drain our vital energy. Protect yourselves, look for solutions at your own pace, and don't push a body that is already completely exhausted.

Stay strong, everyone.