This is so hard, but it’s getting easier.

I was dating a woman for 2 months. We saw each other quite often. However I simply wasn’t ready for the exclusivity, things got squirrelly and she ghosted me. I wanted more time to get to know her but I said it in a way that hurt her. My last text was simply, hey, let me know when you’re free to get together. She said she will “for sure”, but that was weeks ago. I know what that means.

Maybe the relationship wouldn’t have worked but her sudden absence is so incredibly painful. Imagining her with another guy, etc. At first it was debilitating, but these days it comes in very intense waves of grief. Ive uninstalled social media and deleted pictures of her. Given that it’s been weeks, i have no doubt in my mind that she is with another guy at this point.

At work when a wave comes I just sit there and stare out of the window of my office. When is the next time I will click with such an attractive woman? How many years? Could it be over a decade? Am I ever going to find someone who could be my life partner? The loneliness hurts so bad.

Each wave literally feels like a dagger in my heart, physically. I keep having to step away from work and go for walks around the building. Just focusing on feeling the pain has helped a lot. It’s probably the absolute worst when I wake up, to wake up to no text from her is just so painful. I hate that I’m in this situation.