I’m so lonely that I’m obsessed with other people

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I’ve been extremely lonely since my early teens, and I’ve always felt this constant need to please people and feel loved because I know that when I go home, I’ll be alone.

It’s like I’m playing for my life whenever I go outside. I’ve always needed to feel loved and beautiful in everyone’s eyes because I don’t have anyone who is truly my person—someone who makes me feel certain that I’m loved.

It’s almost like I’m obsessed with other people. I feel the need to know everything about their lives, so I look them up and try to find out as much as I can about them. I get jealous when I see them spending time with their families, friends, or partners.

My own brain works against me because I start thinking about people I knew years ago, I miss them and end up looking them up online.

There was one day when I was at the airport with my mother and we were about to go home. I felt sad because there was this strange goodbye atmosphere. I didn’t actually have anyone to say goodbye to, but I felt it because of the people around me. It was like I suddenly wanted to know everything about them and be part of their lives.

Another time, I went clubbing with people I had just met on Facebook. It was my first time ever going out to a club, and being surrounded by all those people made me feel like I desperately wanted to belong to something.

I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.