I feel like a loser while "manifesting" after 2 years of successes and nothings

I feel stuck in a 2-year SP manifestation loop that is starting to affect how I live my life.

• I’ve been trying to manifest my SP for ~2 years. When he left, I was simultaneously dealing with financial, academic, and health struggles, depression, and grief.

- I do believe in manifestation because I’ve genuinely seen major changes in my life—my depression, financial situation, mindset, goals, and personality have all improved dramatically. I was very actively practising it with ladder experiment, free coffee and hearing what I want earlier when I started.

- My ambitions have actually grown so much. I went from “if only I could…” to “I’m actually going to do this”—e.g. managing my weight/mood after PCOD and now wanting to do Muay Thai, wake up at 5am, etc. I have 4–5 major goals in each area of my life.

- But the SP manifestation has become the one thing that constantly reminds me of “failure.” Every day I think about why I haven’t manifested him yet, and it makes me feel like I’m delaying everything else.

I feel like I’m caught between wanting to believe in manifestation and wanting to finally stop putting my life on hold for this one thing. Even when I know we are manifesting all the time.

How do I get out of this loop without necessarily abandoning my belief in manifestation? I’d really appreciate advice, perspectives, or personal stories from people who have experienced something similar.