Chicken or egg

Is all that I am, the result of arbitrary decisions that I have made at some point that define my qualities?

E.g., I like purple because I've decided I like purple, etc

Circular reasoning..

Who actually am I?

I'm bound in restraining straps of blue violet that I tied myself. To be whimsical is to have no such constraints, but is deciding to be whimsical the same as cutting off the violet restraints only to tie a pastel one around my neck?

Too many parts, too many conflicting ideals of who I want to be and am, and who I want to be but am afraid of. Horses and cats do not bother with such frivolities.

I look around my mental house and everything in it is purple and I don't like it. And that is wrong. The purple tournequet around my arm is cutting into my flesh because I placed it there. Why don't I want to remove it? Because everyone has told me how nice it looks on me, because everyone else walks with bandless sleeves of grey and brown and they are boring.

I do not want to find myself boring. I must interest myself. That means labels which become rules. I like purple. I must like purple. I must only like purple.

This is about art .