I have a boyfriend but i love girls

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now. I love him so much, and he treats me like a princess. Our relationship is genuinely happy, which is why these feelings can sometimes be confusing for me.

When I was 13/14, I met a girl through a game. We became incredibly close, and for years we had this kind of undefined “situationship”. I loved her deeply, even though I never really knew what to call what we had.

When I was around 16, after I had already been with my boyfriend for a little while, she came to stay at my house for two weeks. We lived in completely different countries, so having her there felt surreal.

Those two weeks were amazing. We kissed, and some other things happened. When she eventually went home, we stayed in contact. Even now, we still tell each other how much we love and miss each other.

She has a boyfriend now, and she’s pregnant, so obviously our lives have gone in completely different directions.

sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I was brave enough to embrace my feelings for women instead of trying to hide them behind internalised homophobia.