Don't be me, take the hint and ignore this place

At least I finally can put my confusion to rest. As much as it hurts, as much as I just want to give up and go back to being a whiney little baby who throws in the towel and halts all progress they've made, I refuse to this time. As they say, no one is coming to save me. No one is coming to mend this shattered heart. I came into this world alone, I've spent most of my life alone, and I will die alone. In between, I doubt I'll find anyone that will make me want them the same way she did, but now I know that everything here is a game and she doesn't feel the same way I can let go. (and yes, you all made it obvious that you hear me and see me and I know she was here at one point or another, but I'll pretend it's all in my head so you all can continue to feel good about hurting someone that just wanted to love someone).

When someone ignores you, take the hint. Even if they drop hints in all manner of ways, ignore the hints and trust your instinct. Only go based on what they actually tell you. Someone that wants to be a part of your life will actively make an effort, there won't be any doubt. They won't ignore you and block you for opening up your heart to them. They won't make you feel like shit for having feelings like a normal human being. They won't pretend that they haven't hurt you intentionally and played games with your heart. They'll tell you and show you they want you. No bullshit here should ever be a substitute for the real world, people play games here and they sure as fuck don't care about you as a person. Everyone but my dumbass probably already knows this though.

In the end, I'm glad I told her how I felt. I'm glad I "harassed" her into finally answering me. The answer wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I'm not confused anymore, I'm not going to be checking here anymore. I'm going to continue to improve and hope that eventually God hears my prayer and puts someone that can love me back in my path. Never again will I lower myself, embarrass myself to show someone I love them. Especially when it took what it took to finally get a response. Never again will I allow myself to accept less than I deserve, nor will I ignore my intuition about someone. When they show you who they are BELIEVE THEM. The label doesn't matter, all of the behaviors point to what I already knew.

I don't hate her, I will always love her despite all of the pain she caused me. I made my fair share of of mistakes and I'd do anything to take them back if I could, but I can't, and she is clearly not into me like that anymore. I hope she has found someone that can love her the way she needs and is happy. But this chapter of my life is finally over and it's time to move on. I have too much to offer to live my life pining for someone that doesn't feel the same way.

So whoever you all are here that decided I was someone fun to mess with it. Are we done? Will you leave me alone now? I'm never going to contact her again and I don't need you all telling me I fumbled anything, because I didn't, you can't fumble a ball you don't have. I'll be fine trying my hand at dating swiping on Tinder and Hinge, in the real world too. I've taken a lot of positive out of this whole ordeal, but I refuse to be fucked with anymore. You'll notice I still get up in the morning, still working out, still going to work. Yeah, I want to curl up in a ball and cry for awhile, and I no doubt will, but I'll get over it somehow. Even if I don't find anyone, I'll still try my damndest not to spend my last years on this earth living in misery because I felt something for someone and it meant more to me than it did to them. Just please, leave me alone. Whatever I've done to deserve this, I've more than paid the price by now, no?

My dumbass still will leave the door open for her, but now I know with certainty it was one sided and she's not coming back. Take the hint folks, if they aren't in your life no amount of words or actions will bring them back, no matter how much you wish they would.

I'm out. I wish the rest of you the best of luck in finding love, but I have to go mend this broken heart somehow and it will never happen here.