I’m trying to turn my life around. And it sucks that sometimes all I can do is cry about it for a moment and then get back up on my feet and get back to work again. I just want to be constantly happy. But I guess life is meant to be lived through its peaks and valleys.

For the majority of my life since I finished university, I never had it figured out. I worked odd jobs only hoping for promotions and working my way up the ladder.

I’m on my second attempt at transitioning into a career I know I want to get into.I had planned it in the last few years, it was just time and getting on the admission list (due to its popularity). I am supposedly in one of the best schools within Canada for that. My first career transition was so bad - in terms of job prospects and my interest for that field had significantly diminished.

My wife and I talked this through. It wasn’t an option for me to stop working while I went back in school so I still continued to work at a call center I’ve been at for the past two years and changed my hours around to fit school.

I’m doing this crap full time on top of studying full time. And let me tell you - it BLOODY SUCKS. I sleep on average 3 to 5 hours a night.On days when I’m not working - I either get to go to bed early or sleep in as much as I can get without neglecting chores and errands.

My school schedule is Monday to Friday, 8-4 but I finish 10 to 4. That gives me 10 mins to prepare for work, which conveniently is pretty close to school. I also have the flexibility of working from home so on days when I either finish early or it’s the weekend and I still have to work, I can conveniently work from my office.

My work schedule goes on a rotation. It’s not consistent every week but I get 40 hours in. I do this from 4pm to 1am and I don’t get home till 1:40am.

I also happen to be a 50-minute drive away from school because well we wanted our first house and that was the only place that made it possible. The drive is mostly highway and it’s manageable.

You can see how tight this is. I get my breathing room during school lunch and on my drive home. Eventually I am moving to part time status this coming September. It was too much for me to handle and I thought I could do it but now our income has to take a hit temporarily.

Anyways I got angry at my wife this morning for how i thought she was purposely making me late when she actually prioritized preparing my lunch. I have consequences for being late and that also affects my accreditation. We talked about this and somehow I am in the shitty husband situation. I can’t deny it - I have been prone to lashing out and I project it in ways where the words out of my mouth apparently hurt some people including my wife. I never mean it that way. I’ve reached my limit and I’m just hanging on the ledge, constantly on edge and trying to get everything together.

I don’t take my marriage for granted. Above everything else, I put my wife above and honour her. It was wrong of me to say hurtful things to her like that. I feel like an ass. Well I actually am an ass. She has been supporting me A LOT by doing everything in the household. She’s literally my backbone to my success. And it’s hurts me to see that my own problems are also meshing into hers. I’m lashing out more often these days due to pressure and also with lack of sleep, you can’t expect someone to be level headed all the time. I feel so guilty. So I’m trying to make it up to her tonight. But first we’re having the hard talk.

I aspire to be successful and to make meaningful contributions to our household. This is why I’m doing the best I can by going back to school and transitioning into a career I want to be in. Which will pay better. Although my shitty call center job pays not the best but is decent, my wife and I mutually agreed on not only its benefits but the fact that we get travel privileges for the airline I work for. She just came back from a family vacation I couldn’t be on but was able to fly standby. Which is a super nice thing to have and is my incentive for staying.

I’m desperately working my way up in this field hoping to work with a plane one day. It was always a dream of mine to be in aviation but I don’t have a rich family who can support me on becoming a pilot. However, fixing planes? And going to one of the best schools in the country for that? Tuition for that happens to be just as affordable. Sign me up. It’s costing me my health and also my relationship in some ways but I never forget my wife’s support and always acknowledge and appreciate her for it. I really have no other way around. Finding a job these days is pretty difficult, especially with my current qualifications and experience. So I had to start over again and as always, I am continuing to build myself up. Come autumn when I’m finally part time, although my school hours have changed and now I’ll have to work late into the early mornings at least it won’t be 40-hour workweeks. I might have some breathing room then.

To anyone who’s in the struggle boat with similar problems, I have always believed that we are not all alone and that someday we will see light at the end of the tunnel. Even if you break down and feel like quitting, sometimes you just have to cry it out, let it all out and once you’re done, get back up on your feet again and continue working on your dreams. Let’s go get back up and continue the hustle!!