I left but he keeps trying to get us to come back

And my son keeps asking to see him. Emotionally I’m a wreck. I loved this person so incredibly much. I believe he loved me too. This is the saddest most horrible thing that can happen between 2 people.

I believe the addictions led him to the abuse and no matter how much he loved us he couldn’t overcome both the addiction and past of abuse both inflicted on him and on others.

This feels like a sick joke. Like I wasted me life. Like I can’t be a person anymore. I just want to give up on everything even though I know I can’t.