My wife won’t stop ogling other women

I (30F) and my wife (30MtF) just got married last fall and are about to close on our first home. We’ve been together and despite my personal anxiety and depression and the struggles that came with her transition (losing her family chief among them), our relationship has been fairly happy.

I have low self esteem, always have. It’s only gotten worse because the Lexapro and birth control I was taking throughout college caused me to gain around 80lbs, and even though I’m more confident and mentally healthy I’m still very aware I need to lose weight for my self image and my health. My partner insists she still finds me attractive but worries for my long term health; her actions back this claim up so I believe her.

It still hurts when we’re out in public with my younger brother and she seats us in a way she can stare at a bunch of young women while we’re eating, though. Nearly completely empty restaurant and she’s making eyes at a girl who stops as soon as she realized we’re together. I’ve brought this up in the past and called her on it (both in an immature and mature way) and it’s led to crying fits and relationship issues.

The last time it happened she told me that she felt like she couldn’t compete with my low self esteem and that my negative thoughts would always win — but what am I supposed to do? Let her keep staring down random women and just bite my tongue? All she’s going to do is deny it and tell me to do therapy about it anyway.

I’m not interested in leaving her or divorcing her or whatever. But this is taking energy that could be used for literally anything else, and I worry that over time I will resent her for it. How do I ask her to break the habit without coming off as accusatory or allowing her to treat me in a disrespectful way?

Appreciate the help and listening ear, yall! Came to this sub because I’m not interested in the potential transphobic / homophobic rhetoric Id get anywhere else.