i think i’m finally starting to understand myself

I’ve been thinking a lot about life lately, and honestly, I don’t think I have it figured out at all.

I’m 21, and sometimes I feel like I’m supposed to know exactly who I am, what I’m doing, where I’m going, and what kind of person I want to become. But most days I’m still figuring it out as I go.

I’ve made choices I’m proud of and choices I wish I could take back. I’ve had people leave, people disappoint me, and people surprise me by staying. I’ve learned that sometimes you can care about someone deeply and still realize they aren’t meant to stay in your life.

I think I’m a complicated person. I can be soft but act like I don’t care. I can overthink something for hours and then suddenly decide I genuinely don’t care anymore. I want love, but I also want independence. I want someone who understands me, but I’m scared of being too dependent on another person. I want to be successful, but sometimes I’m just trying to get through the week.

I’ve also realized that I care a lot about how I treat people. I value honesty, respect, responsibility, discipline, humility, and family. I’m not perfect at living by those things, but they’re the kind of person I want to become.

I’m trying to stop comparing my timeline to everyone else’s. Some people already know what career they want. Some are in serious relationships. Some are traveling, graduating, making money, or building their lives. Meanwhile, I’m still trying different things and figuring out what actually feels like me.
And maybe that’s okay.

I don’t want a perfect life anymore. I think I just want a life that feels genuine. I want to look back one day and know that even when I was confused, I kept moving. That I loved people honestly. That I tried. That I became someone I’m proud of.

Maybe growing up is realizing that you don’t suddenly wake up one day and become the person you’re supposed to be.
Maybe you just keep meeting different versions of yourself until one finally feels like home.

Anyway, that’s where my head has been lately. I don’t really know what I’m doing with my life yet, but I think I’m slowly learning who I am along the way.