Am I going to be alone forever?

Hey. I’m a 26-year-old woman, and I’ve been alone for as long as I can remember.

At first, I thought I wasn’t alone. I had friends. I had people around me. But deep down i always felt like something was wrong. I would watch people talk badly about each other behind their backs, then turn around and act like they were best friends. I would see people say they couldn’t stand someone, only to go out drinking, clubbing, or having dinner with that same person the next day.

I know friendships are complicated. I know people have flaws. But I’ve never been able to pretend everything is fine when it isn’t. Maybe I’m too aware. Maybe I’m too sensitive to hypocrisy. I don’t know…

Eventually, I chose to walk away from those friendships. It was painful, but I thought being alone was better than being surrounded by people I couldn’t trust.
And then… I just never found anyone else. Years have passed. I travel alone. I eat alone. I go shopping alone. I do pretty much everything alone. And the strange thing is, I’m actually okay with my own company. I can enjoy my solitude. I can take myself out, explore a new place, sit at a restaurant by myself and have a good time.

But I know I’m not meant to live completely alone.
I love people. I love talking. I love discovering someone’s story. I smile when strangers talk to me. I approach people. I can have wonderful conversations with people I’ve just met. But somehow, it never becomes anything more. They remain strangers. And I go home alone. Every time.

Right now, I’m supposed to be living my best life. I’m in Italy on the Amalfi Coast on a trip I planned and paid for myself. It was my birthday today, and this trip was my gift to myself.

And yet, today I found myself sitting somewhere beautiful, surrounded by couples, families and groups of friends, and feeling this horrible ache in my chest. Because I kept thinking: Why don’t I have that?

Why is it so easy for other people to find their person?
A best friend. A partner. A little group that feels like home. Someone who calls you just because they thought of you. Someone who notices when you’re gone. Someone who genuinely cares whether you’re okay.

I don’t need a hundred friends. I don’t even think I need many. I just want my people. Someone I can call at 2 a.m.
Someone who knows me deeply. Someone who wants me in their life, not just when it’s convenient. Someone who chooses me…

And honestly, I’m scared.
What if this is my life forever?
What if I keep travelling alone, eating alone, celebrating my birthday alone, and telling myself that I’m independent when deep down, I’m just trying to make peace with something I never wanted?
Does it get better?
Have any of you been this lonely in your twenties and eventually found your people?
I would really love to hear your stories.
I think I need them right now.
Cause tonight, on my birthday, in one of the most beautiful places in the world, I realized that what I want most isn’t another beautiful place.
I just want someone to share it with.