Is it bad if I stop trying and just quit the dream of becoming a lawyer?

Sorry, long post. Just need to get this out of my system.

Context: I got dismissed from my dream law school after 1L. Both my parents are lawyers from the Top 3 schools.

I tried really hard to stay in school. I’d show up to class having read every case and prepared with my own personal notes/reviewers. I aced my recitations (as reflected by my grade breakdowns). And still, I just couldn’t manage to write proper essays or be good at answering exams through ALAC.

These past few weeks, I’ve been debating on what to do. After being dismissed, time started feeling faster because I needed to make a decision on where to go next with my life. I actually enrolled in a law school that required me to start from scratch (due to internal and external pressures) just so I wouldn’t be delayed too much (missed the deadline for transferring to other schools).

Then I decided to withdraw and allow myself a break. I knew it in myself I didn’t like the school and I didn’t want to retake every single 1L subject again. My parents tried to explain to me that starting from scratch meant I had the clear advantage of just needing to relearn the classes I already took and further building my foundation for the bar. But I’ve honestly still been grieving my dismissal and I’m really not in the proper headspace to even think about going back/studying yet.

Now that I’m not enrolled anywhere, I’m rethinking if law school is really for me. It was the only path I’ve ever known. Both parents are lawyers + I took a typical “prelaw” course. Law school has always presented itself as the only career path I could take.

I’m not sure if I want to go back. I love learning, I try to learn more of anything or something everyday. I value education. I enjoyed the cases so much that my non-law school friends started telling me how weird it was that I’d tell stories/chika in recitation form (facts issue/s ruling ratio). Weird to say but I really did enjoy my entire first year so much. I’d tell people it’s stressful but I’m enjoying and having fun learning.

But I also know I’m weak at writing. I’m weak when it comes to time pressured exams (my undergrad didn’t have any exams). I know it comes with practice and everyone starts from scratch in law school. I know I could’ve been better but my efforts just weren’t enough. It’s really my fault for focusing more on the daily grind and recitations than improving the way I answered exams.

My “why law school” has always been tied to my advocacies. But I also see now that these advocacies can still be assisted through other ways (NGOs, government, etc.). Another big “why” is definitely attributed to the fact that my parents are lawyers. I’m asking myself if I have a really personal “why” that could get me through another school. I probably do. I’m not sure if I want to be a lawyer or if I wanted to be a lawyer from my former school.

I’m not really sure what to do or what to plan next. The obvious answer, if I want to go back, is to transfer my units for the second semester in January. Right now, I’m currently exploring other paths I can take (maybe find a job, work corporate, focus on my hobbies, etc.).

Is it lame/pathetic that I’m already thinking of quitting after failing out in my first year? I know now that failing is normal (as explained by multiple law community redditors). I’ve just never been used to failure and failing was never supposed to be an option in the first place.