Trans ocd

For context I’m a 21M, and look my story is long but I always grew up as a happy boy. Never once doubted my gender always did boy things, always liked hanging around with boys in elementary and high school, and going into high school I was still confident I was a boy and a man. And for context yes I knew what transgender and dysphoria was and still knew I was a guy, I always had crushes on girls. I also have bad ocd I’ve diagnosed since I was 16 so idk if I’m making it worse here but what I’m tryna say is that I keep getting thoughts and feelings like if im a girl now, And I hate it not because how the world will see me cuz if anything I like being seen as a guy cuz like I said i was fine with being a man. My trans ocd all started with my friend asking me something about it and I just had the typical what if and then I saw someone saying trans awakening and then I was scared if I was gonna get mine trans awakening? lol. Now it’s pure hell since I’m like just keep scrolling here and looking at my past to see if I had any signs (which I didn’t) and now I’m starting to think I only had crushes on girls because I wanted to be them (which is not true) but it feels that way when I knew damn well it wasn’t the case so it’s like WHAT THE FUCK. Look I try to imagine myself as trans and as a woman and deep down it doesn’t do it for me. Like I had dreams going to nyc as a nurse and I just loved the idea being a guy over there as myself. And for the record I always loved my penis growing up and stuff yea. Im always constantly checking “do I want to be a woman” over and over and over and over until I was reassurance. Now when I try think of sexual stuff about women now I just can’t stop thinking about if I’m them or I’m living thru them and it just turns me off. (Btw I have no problems with trans people)