Did I do the right thing cutting my father out of my life??

This week I have decided to go no contact with my dad and his girlfriend. One moment I am so confident that I made the right decision for my own peace and mental health. Then other moments, I think back to being his little girl and I mourn the life I thought I would have with him as an adult.

A bit of background..... my mom died suddenly in 2010. My parents were married 48 years that year. I was married with 2 daughters ages 6 & 9 when my mom passed and we were all really close. We spent a lot of time together. My parents were hands on grandparents who adored my daughters and they adored them right back! We had amazing family traditions and shared countless good times, laughter and there was so much love. In fact, my family had been visiting my parents at their timeshare in Florida the week before she died. We left on Saturday and Monday I got a phone call at work that changed me and my life forever. To say my mother's death changed me is almost comical because it sounds so expected, normal and understandable. But that is NOT what happened to me. I went to a place so very dark- I look back and don't recognize who I was or understand what I was doing. It was awful. Every single thing in my life changed and I didn't cope with it well for years. Ha, I still don't cope with it well. My dad was a mess- drank himself numb for years. Eventually, he met a woman, a widow and he moved into her home.

Was this easy? Um, not even a little. But I had no issues with this lady. Well except that she wasn't my mother. She was good to my dad. She looked after him. He had companionship and he began doing better. While she had a daughter and grandson, there was no real effort made to get our families together. Every tradition ended. My dad had holiday and birthday celebrations with her and her family and the family he created with my mother fell apart over time. This man was my absolute favourite human at one time. We talked, really talked about life and love and ambition and the world but as the months and years passed, we became strangers. My daughters grew and he had very little to do with them at all. I bitched and moaned about it. I cried, I sent emails, I tried. But neither he or his girlfriend seemed at all interested in my dad's past and the people that were a part of it. I didn't begrudge him a new life, I just wanted to be a part of it. But that was not to be.

I'm not going to go over each incidence that drove me to this decision. There are so many. Each incidence however hurt me deeply as it solidified that they really had no interest in being involved in my life, my kids lives, my nephews lives. They had no interest in letting us in to the life they had been enjoying as a couple and as a family with her side. Recently I moved. Once again, I asked him to dinner to see my new place. I asked him to let me know his availability in September. He responded that he had no availability in September, but thanks for the invite. No suggestion of perhaps October , just thanks, but no thanks. That same day, I realized that his girlfriend had unfriended and blocked me on Facebook. While I admit this may seem silly to be bothered by, it does send a pretty clear message. While I can't be sure, I would guess this might have been as as result of an engagement party coming up for her grandson that we are not invited to, taking up one day in September. Or maybe it's to hide the fact that her daughter will be in town for a week for this event. Taking up 7 more days in September. Pretty sure September has 30 of them. Just sayin'

Since meeting this woman, my dad and I never again had another heart to heart conversation with any kind of real honesty like we once had on the regular. We've been unofficially estranged for years. Christmas cards, birthday calls---obligatory communication if someone died or whatever but nothing with substance - nothing soft, caring, concerned or interested. He, seems perfectly content and happy with his new life while I mourn the connection we once had and the family that was once my world. So, I did it. I cut him off for my own sanity and to protect my heart- and honestly I don't think it actually matters at all to him. I think that this decision is going to bring me relief eventually. He's not a young man- who knows how much time he has left. My decision will probably get me cut out of his will - which my mother would not be happy about considering what he has will always be half hers and she would want me and my girls to benefit from it - but no amount of money is worth the absolute heartache this man has brought upon me. So tell me, did I do the right thing?