Stuck in a hard spot

So in July my grandma passed. We knew this was coming and I flew into state so I could see her alive one more time probably 3 weeks before that. My mom got married to her bf when she found out he’s got late stage cancer. When she and I called, she was telling me end of August is when they were looking at ceremony dates for GMA. Three weeks ago my mom was on my ass about buying tickets NOW (then) so the price didn’t get too high.

We’re coming on less than 10 days until I fly up for the STILL unscheduled funeral. I cannot cancel the flight, I cannot change dates. I cannot fly back up this year unless it’s an EMERGENCY. My money and job won’t let me. I’ve been trying to gently talk to her about planning. Now I’ve started to ask to take over the funeral planning so it actually happens when I’m there. She’s ghosting me and still saying she’s waiting on her boyfriend to die.

I’m going to be DEVASTATED if I miss this funeral. Fuck the money aspect. I asked off so I could go to the funeral. Now it’s looking like it’s not going to happen. My aunts are calling me selfish for trying to “rush” things.

I’m just at a loss and don’t know what to do. So I’m screaming into the void of the internet for help