Honest Advice

I feel like my whole world is ending. I’ve been married for almost 8 years. He is an alcoholic and goes completely off the handle sometimes when he is drunk. He has said and done some very ugly things to me. He belittles my kids, claims he’s the one supporting them, but he isn’t, calls me fat, ugly, a c*nt, he has hit, pushed, and choked me several times. I’m trying to make this work because I do love him. He can be pretty awesome when he’s sober. But… I did catch him on eharmony the other day. He has given me every reason not to trust him. So, I got on his phone. He’s very secretive with it and either has face recognition on stuff, or deletes everything all the time. I am extremely heartbroken! After everything he has done to me, I’ve never went looking for someone else. Now, he makes all these things up trying to justify why he did it. I cannot get over it. He does have a better job than me so he’s accusing me of “robbing him” constantly and wants separate bank accounts. He spends a lot of money. I pay what needs to be paid, buy groceries, and whatever else is needed. I rarely spend anything on my self, and my son is pretty low maintenance also. I do not have a support system. He is on that phone several times a day with his mom, saying God knows what and so is she. It’s like it is them against me. He and I are supposed to be a family, but he doesn’t see it that way. What should I do? All of this is driving me insane!