Lack of direction, any advice?

To keep it short, i own a camera since Oct. 2024 and i don’t know what i’m doing anymore. I have been doing street photography since i bought the camera but i switched to portraits in Dec. 2025 and that’s all i’ve been doing since Dec. I’ve had only one paid shoot which didn’t really interest me but i did it for the experience. I still don’t know how to use the speedlight even though i own really good one, Godox V1pro. It just frustrates me every single time i try to use it so i don’t ever use it, i shoot natural light portraits but i got sick of it. There is no direction in my work, it really shows that i’m clicking the button and praying most of the time, composition and considering the sunlight is what i pay attention to most of the time, but a lot of pictures just look random and lost.

The biggest problem is that i don’t know what i really want to do with the picture, not to mention color grading and that kind of editing…
I really don’t have that drive to go out and shoot because i own really heavy setup for my standards(Fuji xt4 and 16-55 2.8)

What do i do?