Thank you lexapro!

My one year anniversary of the beginning of my downward spiral was yesterday. I wanted to reflect on it then, but I was too busy going out with friends, working, making pottery and enjoying myself. For reference, some of the things I did last night that I would have been afraid of previously.- Going out at night, drinking more than a sip of alcohol, sleeping away from home, & reading quietly (Difficult for me to focus). August 11, 2025 was my first true panic attack, which led to an increasing panic/agoraphobia spiral and an increase in OCD tendencies. I took a semester off of college because I was unable to handle things like sitting in class, eating in the dining hall, or sleeping in my dorm. I was waking up a lot of the time in tears, and it would take 12 or so hours for me to let go of the pit in my stomach. I was prescribed lexapro by a school counselor just before I left, and the first few weeks of being on it were incredibly rough. I was so tired that I would stand up and fall back over, asleep. I lost a ton of weight due to being depressed, and lexapro did not restore my appetite like I hoped it would. After about three weeks, I started to notice some changes. I wasn't crying all the time, and I felt that I was able to resist the OCD thoughts that would have previously sent me into a spiral. For the record, my OCD was existential. If you are currently having those thoughts and telling yourself that your feelings are "correct" or "true," I would urge you to try and get help. I applied for a job, started working out, and kept in contact with friends. I gradually started gaining weight and muscle back. The world didn't feel horrific and terrifying. I was able to go back to college for my spring semester, living on campus 3 days a week. (I didn't say I was fully healed, but I passed 17 credits :) I still had anxiety, but I never felt like I NEEDED to panic. I was much more able to talk myself through my fears. I really recommend the book "Hope and help for your nerves," as well as finding a good therapist.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the long post, and I'm sure that this is really rambly, but I wanted to share that recovery is possible. I thought that my life was ruined. Lexapro (and therapy, and persistence, and support) showed me that it didn't have to be. OCD and anxiety are terrible, but you don't have to let them live your life for you. Let me know if you want any more specifics, although I'm not sure how helpful I can be.