I feel like a loser and i no longer have hope for future

Lately ive been kinda realizing that i truly have nothing going for me, nearly 24 and just never been with anyone, or even flirted with. I dont have a good support system, still living in my abusive household with my family. Reached 300 pounds cause food is my only comfort. I can feel my mental state slipping and theres nothing i can do about it cause my psychiatrist kinda sucks, the problem is probably with me tho. if my younger self would look at me rn they would be so disgusted and what ive become. Manically wasted my student loan into nothing. The only highlight i have at the moment are my online friends but i feel so gross being so attached to people that i dont even know their real names, and i can even feel them slipping away. The only hope i have is getting into grad school and i feel with my luck its just not gonna happen for me like the loser that i am. I keep telling myself that one day it's gonna get better but ive been a depressed and mentally ill for over a decade, i think im just destined to be this way. I no longer can imagine a future where things work out for me and im with people that love me when my entire life has been nothing but anguish and loneliness, i tried everything for things to change but nonetheless im still myself